This weeks film was the extremely dull Topaz and before I even begin to write this post I will point out this is one of the worst films I have watched in this challenge.


A French spy investigates the Cuban missile crisis for the American government and uncovers a global spy network.


There is very little good in this film, which has only one or two glimpses of Hitchcock’s genius. One of these moments come in the way precious documents are smuggled around Cuba in items of food; for example cameras are stuffed into chicken, papers are rolled into baguettes etc. This was unique and reasonably interesting –  and apart from one other scene in which a spy distracts a Cuban man so a briefcase can be stolen – is one of the few moments I actually enjoyed when watching the film.

Screen shot 2013-05-08 at 11.36.47

I don’t know where to begin with this section for this abysmal film; and to be honest there is so much wrong with it that I could write all day. However I will attempt to keep it brief and spoiler free.

Perhaps the most major problem with the film is that there are too many characters that it was easy to lose track of who was who and what was going on. As the film explores a network of spies it focuses on several different ones and attempts to establish each; this leads to a horrible mash of half-developed characters of whom where supposed to care about. The film has no lead role with each character handing off to another character and so forth; with them all coming together for an ending; but with no one to back it is difficult to feel any sort of tension.

The story of the film is also too complex with too much happening for the audience to full comprehend the action; standalone scenes lead to questions about what is happening that will not be answered until much later in the film when they have been forgotten. The narrative is also politically heavy with the weight of the cold war and the bureaucracy of the film makes it tedious and difficult to sit through.


Hitchcock makes a cameo sitting in a wheelchair – perhaps he was paralysed by how bad the film was!

Screen shot 2013-05-08 at 11.31.59


Terrible. 1 Hitch.